I think the biggest thing about starting this blog is that I want people to understand that to lose weight or get control of your eating, you don't have to perfect. You just have to constantly be moving forward. I wanted to share about my experience yesterday because it is the ultimate example of how I haven't "beat" this problem, I just react to it differently now.
For three days I have been wanting a Cadbury Egg, after some lengthy google searches, I finally was satisfied with the fact that Cadbury Eggs do not contain gluten, thus will not destroy me. Ever since I found this out, I could not stop thinking about it.
A Cadbury Egg was on my mind all day long: while I was running, while I was doing Kettlebell training, while I was working...I mean all day long.
I finally decided to give in and buy one yesterday. After all, I feel like this journey is about balance and so I don't really deny myself sweets.
Yesterday I learned a valuable lesson. There is a difference between balance and binge foods.
A Cadbury Egg is a binge food for me.
A binge food is something that opens the floodgates and makes it very difficult to stop eating.
You see, I bought a Cadbury Egg, then I bought a reeces egg, and then "just because it was on sale," I bought jolly rancher jelly beans (btw, I have a jelly bean problem).
I ended up eating all of these things and half the bag of jolly rancher jelly beans before I got to my first client. Then I couldn't stop thinking about the half bag of jelly beans in my car.
I had a realization yesterday that I can't believe I haven't had before. There are foods that make me binge, and I need to understand that by eating these foods I am making it harder on myself.
I made a list of all the foods that I don't really have control over. There were about 10 items on the list. Some items on this list were : all candy, cereal, chips, pepperoni, ice cream, etc.
Making this list was actually quite freeing. All of a sudden I understood that if I choose to eat these foods, I am choosing to make my life harder that day.
You see, people always say it is harder to have an eating problem than a drug or alcohol problem because you can't ever get "sober" from food.
But this is what I learned yesterday. Only some foods cause that problem for me. I mean, I don't find myself with an uncontrollable urge to stop eating chicken breasts or spinach or bananas. It's usually sugar based foods.
So in reality, you can technically get "sober" from your binge problem and still enjoy the foods you love. For instance, I realized that chocolate chips lead me to a binge, but mini chocolate chips don't. It doesn't make sense but it's the reality.
Having this list means I have a choice to not make my life harder, to not put myself in a position where all I'm thinking about was food. And even though yesterday I ended up eating about 2000 calories more than I wanted to, and had to do a night incline walk on the treadmill to burn it off, I learned a valuable lesson yesterday that was necessary for me to learn as I embark on this journey for the rest of my life.