Tuesday, June 30, 2015

How Going Completely Dairy Free is Changing My Life

For those of you who have been following my journey for a while, you know that it has taken me four years to get to this spot. I lost 100lbs, gained back 10-20 while I was marathon training and have been lingering around this spot without much movement for almost two years now.

It didn't take me much time to learn what is wrong with my body, but it does seem to take me a lot of time before I will make changes. For instance, I was diagnosed with Celiac Disease 11 years ago. Unfortunately, I really liked cinnamon rolls, pasta, and pizza so I didn't actually get off gluten officially until about five years ago.

That was the first step of my journey into understanding and listening to my body. Through the years, I've learned a few other things. One of them is that my body doesn't really care for dairy products. That might actually put it lightly. After doing significant research, it seems that my body is "highly allergic" to dairy products. Whenever I would eat dairy, I would stop breathing and need to take Benadryl, my ears would clog up so that I couldn't hear, and the scale would go up 15 lbs overnight (not an exaggeration). This 15 lb weight gain wasn't because I binged on dairy products. This happened once with a piece of cheese or a little of the creamer from the store. It felt like I was on an uphill battle that I would never win.

Once I understood that I couldn't really handle dairy, I gave it up in my daily life "sort of." I didn't drink milk or eat cheese. I gave up my daily yogurt habit. But I would still sneak it in with little things like some milk chocolate or "just one slice" of gluten free pizza. Every time I ate it, I would have vicious reactions. It took a couple of years, but I finally made the choice to give it up for good. No gluten free pizza (unless cheese free), no sneaky milk chocolate (sad), and no non-dairy creamer (since this still has milk proteins in it unless it says dairy free).

It has changed my life. I finally feel like my brain and the scale are moving again. My workouts are awesome, I don't feel bloated all the time, my ears have actually been clear and my crazy sugar cravings have leveled themselves out. If you are concerned about any intolerance or allergy, I would definitely go without it for a while and see if that helps. Finally being honest about my allergy and removing dairy from my diet, makes me feel like I have a brand new body.

Friday, June 5, 2015

When You Finally Admit You Are Broken

I have a secret.

I DO NOT have it all together. I mean, my close friends and family know this (they are probably nodding their heads emphatically right now.) But I think about the image I portray on social media and it makes me think that some people only know me as the person I portray. That person is

1. Always on top of it with exercise
2. Always on top of it with eating right
3. Hilarious
4. Always having a good time
5. Loving life

While I don't think we should air our dirty laundry on social media, I thought I should share some truths with you.

1. I still struggle with binge eating. It's less regular than it used to be, but I have to resist it every single week.
2. I wish I was born skinny. No, I don't wish I was born "healthy or strong or muscular" I wish I was born skinny, like Stana Katic (Castle) skinny. No matter how many hours I work out or how long I count calories, I will never look like that. So, while it's taken me a while to accept that I want to be the best version of my own body, I still secretly harbor a desire to be "skinny." Although, not enough to become unhealthy about it.
3. I get sad and lonely a lot, even though I love my husband and my friends. Some days, I just get sad and can't figure out why.
4. I just started a new It Works! business (see top of page) and I'm scared to death. I have had a business before and it's hard. While I love the products and did my research on the business thoroughly, my fear of failure gets to me sometimes.
5. I have A LOT of anxiety. I get anxious over silly things, real things, made up things. I am an anxious person.
6. I get bored easily, with jobs, with life, with books, with television, and with exercise. Nine weeks into our exercise program, I already am completely bored with the exercises. Sometimes I think something is wrong with me.
7. I feel like a failure as a Christian a lot. Even though I know that the Lord loves me because of my brokenness, I still feel like I could be reading my Bible more, loving more, and serving more.
8. I have a problem with verbal vomit. I say what I am thinking, offend a lot of people who won't tell me they're offended and tend to find out when it's too late. I'm working on it.

All of this honesty to say one thing, I have learned that by admitting my brokenness to myself, the Lord is able to work in me and change things. For a while I was walking around from the health and fitness perspective saying "I've got this" well after my eating disorder had come back full force. Because I couldn't admit my brokenness to myself or anyone else, nothing could change. Brokenness allows for healing and healing allows for growth and change. Let yourself be vulnerable, and see how your brokenness can turn into your greatest strength.