I am terrified.
I thought I would talk about why I am terrified because it probably isn't what you would expect. Am I terrified of being able to complete the marathon? No, last year at this time at a significantly heavier weight, I walked a marathon on my own on the Keystone Trail. So I know that I have put in the time and training and can run this thing. I know that I can finish.
But what am I most afraid of? I am afraid of my own pride. I am afraid of my own self-talk when I run this marathon.
I am afraid of being the slowest one out there.
The reality is that I am a very slow runner. In fact, I am not even sure that I will finish in the allotted cut off time which means that all drink stations and everything will be taken down.
I know how this works because when I ran a half-marathon in college (10 years ago or so), I was one of the slowest people out there and all the support was gone. It was awful. But the difference was that with the half-marathon, at least there were still people around because people were still finishing the marathon.
I worry that I will run into a ghost town and even after finishing a marathon, feel like a fat failure...which sounds ridiculous if you think about it. But that's the truth. I think by being open and honest about our fears, they lose their power so that is what I am trying to do here.
So if you could all pray for me during my marathon, I would appreciate it. Conquering this is a huge step for me and I have been sitting in this fear for far too long.
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