Maintaining and Frustrated

I have to be honest.

I am frustrated with my weight loss. Oh it would be really easy to say "Oh you've lost 102 lbs and kept it off that's really good" and it is really good. I'm not negating the work I've done.

I could also lie to myself and say "Oh you are doing everything right and the scale isn't budging..how frustrating." But I used to lie to myself all the time, that is how I got so overweight in the beginning.

The truth is that my eating has been atrocious. Not every day, some days are better than others. Last month I counted and stayed in my calorie goal 12 out of 30 days and ate too much 18 out of 30 days. While I only missed 3 days of exercise out of 30 (also known as rest days).

Clearly, exercise is not the problem.

I've been toying with new food plans, knowing that if I went on them I would feel amazing but they all make me feel deprived. It's like there is a little child inside me that wants what they want when they want it.

I think I have finally narrowed down the culprit.

I have a sugar problem.

And it's a big problem. I once read that sugar is as addictive as crack cocaine. I wouldn't be surprised. So a part of me thinks I need to give it up because it's simply something I CAN'T (or haven't been able to up to this point) eat in moderation.

I keep saying to myself, "But I'll be so different from everyone if I give it up." Of course, I also became different from everyone when I gave up gluten, so it's not like sugar is much of a stretch beyond that.

I keep thinking and planning and reasoning but ultimately what I want to do is figure out how to completely give up sugar while simultaneously eating an entire bag of M&M's.

Not possible.

So I think that ultimately leaves me with one choice. Pull up my big girl panties and make a decision about my future. Do I want to get as fit and healthy as possible? Do I want to be a real athlete? Do I want to hit my goal weight/size? And do I want all that more than I want the hot tamales and coconut milk ice cream?

Ok fine, I'm on it.

Yah, this isn't me or my stomach..hopefully soon.